Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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