At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
