Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
