Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
