First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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