Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
