Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize