soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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