I didn't shave. On purpose
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
