Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
