i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
