Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
