Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Found the puke drawer
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize