I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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