considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize