I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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