Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
