I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
