The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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