i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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