This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
