Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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