We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
