wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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