Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
farters have to be the big spoon...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
