I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just cropdusted the office
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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