that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
