Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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