It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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