I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
