I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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