"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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