how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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