DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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