It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
