I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
