I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
