Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize