As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need to calm my uterus...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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