I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
