I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
