he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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