I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
