OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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