I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
