He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
