If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Pants are for mortals
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
