well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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