i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
