ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
