Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i believe in u and ur pee
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
