can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
