The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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