She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
