you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
