its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize