youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
