Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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