He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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