If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
