Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
