No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
