sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
