guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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