and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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