but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
