What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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