I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
