My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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