I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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