i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
