So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
