So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
