4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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