Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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