it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
