apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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