You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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