Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
