Your face is a jimmy john
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I FOUND THE LEGS
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
