Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
