Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
