I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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