remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
