We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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