i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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