On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
