everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
this just has baby written all over it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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