he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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