You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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