lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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