mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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