we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
