I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
