Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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