Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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