I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
