i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
