where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Are my feet made of real feet?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
