You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
